Oh, the Tragic Tale of Sam Bankman-Fried: A 25-Year Vacation Courtesy of the Federal Government
In a dramatic turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted, FTX's very own wizard of Oz, Sam Bankman-Fried, was handed a modest 25-ye…
Oh, the Tragic Tale of Sam Bankman-Fried: A 25-Year Vacation Courtesy of the Federal Government
In a dramatic turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted, FTX's very own wizard of Oz, Sam Bankman-Fried, was handed a modest 25-year getaway to a government-sponsored retreat, far less than the 40 to 50-year sabbatical prosecutors dreamt of, yet somehow more than the brief 5 to 6.5-year hiatus his legal magicians proposed. Judge Lewis Kaplan, possibly fearing a future where Bankman-Fried could become a supervillain, decided it was time for a "time-out" to ponder the meaning of "don't do bad things."
Before being whisked away, Bankman-Fried delivered a heart-wrenching ode to the empire he built and then bulldozed, apparently haunted by the ghost of FTX past every single day. "My bad," he seemed to say, to the tune of letting down just about everyone who ever thought cryptocurrency sounded like a fun gamble.
Watching from the sidelines, Manhattan U.S. Attorney Damian Williams couldn't resist pointing out that Bankman-Fried's $8 billion "whoopsie" was, in fact, one of the grandest financial oopsies in history. Williams also hinted that this little slap on the wrist should totally deter anyone else contemplating a career in financial shenanigans because, you know, justice is "swift."
Meanwhile, Bankman-Fried's parents, presumably pondering where they went wrong, professed their heartbreak and vowed to continue the good fight for their beleaguered son, proving that hope springs eternal, even when your kid is responsible for one of the biggest financial facepalms in recent memory. So, here's to a future where Sam can reflect on the complex nuances of "not defrauding people" from his temporary abode, courtesy of the American taxpayer.
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